Marriage/Couples Counseling

"What makes a happy marriage? It is a question which all men and women ask one another … The answer is to be found, I think, in the mutual discovery, by two who marry, of the deepest need of the other’s personality, and the satisfaction of that need."
Pearl Buck

Since you have opened this page, I imagine that there are some conditions in your relationship that you are seeking help to improve.

Every relationship is an emotional and spiritual journey which usually begins with attraction, romance, and excitement. Over time, this companionship will develop toward increased mindfulness, and eventual transformation into a respectful, intimate, mature, and joyful bond. However, at times this love-relationship may travel a rocky road where the togetherness is swept away by criticism, confrontations, stonewalling, or gridlocked positions. If you have reached a point where you worry about your marriage, but don’t know how to break the cycle of drifting away from each other, couples’ therapy can help you to restore your relation, and is well worth the effort.

Every marriage or partnership is “many relationships in one,” as we bring everything we have learned about human interactions, beginning in our family of origin, into the relationship with our spouse. The coping skills we have developed will benefit and enrich our relationship, or deplete and destroy intimacy and genuine friendship if we don’t increase our awareness about the scripts from which we relate to ourselves and others.

Let me clarify: during many years, we observed how our parents or caregivers solved conflicts, how they communicated, how they showed affection, admiration, and friendship toward each other. We learned what was expected of us, and what rewards or punishments would come if we did not follow the rules. We learned about anger, disappointments, sadness, joy, how to get our needs met, how to protect ourselves if those needs were not met, and so on. In summary, we bring a whole range of fixed “templates” with us into our love-relationship – for better and for worse.

"Seldom or never does a marriage develop into
an individual relationship smoothly without crisis.
There is no birth of consciousness without pain."
C. G. Jung

As your therapist, I will help you increase your awareness of how you can change and improve your communication skills so you can reach your goals with counseling. Initially, we will do a thorough assessment of your relationship through which you and your spouse can become mindful not only of the areas where you can make improvements, but also about the strengths of your relationship. Through conjoint sessions, and a couple of individual sessions in the early phase of therapy, we will work together to increase your awareness about your emotional needs and how you express these needs verbally and non-verbally to your partner, in order for you to move your relationship toward mutual satisfaction; develop open, honest, and respectful communication; increase your ability to express your feelings and needs; and to deepen intimacy and long-lasting friendship.

January 14, 2008